On August 27th, 2011, I was in a motorcycle accident that left me unconscious in a pool of blood. Aside from the physical pain, there are a number of issues that follow head injuries, from 6-month long concussions and intense physio rehab to suicidal thoughts and depression from feelings of being only fractionally what you were.
My accident left me with a large scar on my cheek along with multiple smaller, less noticeable scars, a shredded MCL, small fractures in both wrists, a small fracture in my neck, and last on the shortlist to watch for arthritis in every joint in my body. I wasn't about to let this get me down, but over the next 8 months I gained a lot of weight lying down, passing time with video games. I went from a lean 175 lbs to a morbid 235 lbs. Mix that with a face that was scaring small children, and you've got an equation solving for mental disaster, which I didn't realize until it was too late. It's all too easy to be perpetually negative when everything seems that way.
I never understood how depression worked or how you could let yourself get down far enough to start a spiral, let alone how hard it was to break out of one, until I found myself alone and deep inside one with no end in sight. This depression lasted from the date of the accident until this year--specifically this summer. Even though I live by the golden-rule, which I was taught at a very young age at church, which is "do unto others as you would have done to youself." Men generally see themselves as what they do, which usually just pertains to what they do for employment. That alone generally controls a man's self worth. I know that is the wrong way of looking at things now, but it is something that I didn't realize I was doing while I was going through this struggle. While I still don't know what 'my calling' is, I know its something to do with cars. I decided just because I don't know what to throw myself at next, doesn't mean I can't do things that someone I'd respect would do. So, the start of 2018 instead of spiraling further into the abyss, I decided to start volunteering so that maybe I might start to respect myself.
I went in to Brampton Youth Soccer Club's (BYSC) head office to inquire about coaching opportunities and soon found myself signed up for helping run a winter skills clinic. I also applied to volunteer for a shelter for families fleeing abuse (Women & Children). After about a month of working with the kids on the field and in the shelter, the shields were already down and I was already the coach / positive male role model to a ballpark of 60 kids respectively. They had gotten over the initial phase of getting to know me and my coaching / teaching techniques and I had earned their respect as a coach and a leader respectively.
I still wasn't making any money and the youth coordinator at the shelter knew that. She didn't know, however, that I was being paid in self worth. At this point my attitude had changed significantly. I had around 40 kids in BYSC's Rep Boys U8-9 soccer learning and improving with my advice and homework, which is massively humbling which in turn is motivating. I have around 15 resident kids living at the shelter, waiting for me to come be their big brother and their role model. Running at me screaming every time I walk in, excited to tell me literally everything that's happened to them since the last time I saw them. It's just about as heart-melting as you'd expect to be there for someone who has this sort of crave for a father figure. To have moms coming to tell me how much their kids look up to me and how much of a difference I'm making in their kids lives on a daily basis really helps you not hate yourself as much. And on top of all that, I've gotten myself back down to 185 lbs within a nice healthy range after committing myself to the keto diet.
The youth coordinator asked me to apply for the summer contract around this point, and I decided to go through the process to work the summer with Salvation Army. I got the job after the interview and I loved working there. As tiring mentally as kids are when you're entertaining them 8am-4pm, I still managed to go to the gym every day after work and then twice a week go to a soccer practice 6:15pm-8pm. Saturdays morning games meant that I only got to sleep in Sundays and it made me really appreciate Sundays. By this point it's safe to say that I was out of my 6-7 year depression and all it took was a few months of selfless acts before I was on the way out into the light. Once I started getting the kick back of feeling fulfilled from helping others, the thoughts and feelings were more in the theme of positivity and optimism.
This process is what I would recommend to anyone struggling with depression, because it's the only way I found lasting relief.
I hope I gave you hope, or something you can use to your benefit!
Thanks so much for reading!
If you want to help, you can share my story with your friends and family, and/or donate to my Go Fund Me page.
https://www.gofundme.com/help-adrian-fight-tongue-cancer
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